Adoption Diary - Molly

Page 2 - Travel Story - includes Meeting Molly!

These entries are from our trip to Vietnam from 7 to 22 October 1999.

For the impatient: Go straight to the day we met Molly!

Go back to page 1.

7 October 1999 - We're Off!

We get great window seats on the flight to Singapore – at first we can’t get good seats, but we’re lucky; once onboard the plane we see two empty seats (bulkhead plus window) and when we enquire about them, we’re allowed to change seats. Our spirits are high and we have a super flight. During the night I look out the window, and such a star-filled night sky I’ve never seen in my life. I even see a shooting star! When we land in Singapore, the crescent moon shows itself in the light of the dawn. Beautiful. I take it all as good omens.

8 October 1999 - Arrival in Vietnam

We have a stopover in Singapore airport for about 4 hours. It’s early morning. There’s a roof-top veranda on top of the terminal building, and we spend at least an hour there just feeling the heat and moisture in the air. We’ve never experienced such a climate before.

    On to Hanoi as scheduled. When we land we’re the only airplane in sight! And this is an international airport… When we enter the airport building it really looks like the incarnation of socialist/communist officialdom. Needless to say, no photography is allowed. We get through customs fairly quickly – no problems whatsoever. There is only one baggage belt and all our luggage soon arrives. We grab our things and in excited anticipation go towards the exit. Will Mrs. Ha be there? We see a large crowd of people, but then we spot Mrs. Ha who is standing there with a big sign saying “Lacey Family”. She seems nice. She has a taxi ready for us and together we drive towards Hanoi. We look out the windows all the way and take in the sight of the green rice fields with farmers working in their bare feet, with water buffalos and wearing the traditional cone hats. We feel like we’ve come to a different planet. Just amazing.

    We arrive at the Green Park Hotel and are greeted as kings and queens. We even say hello to the owner of the hotel. Our suite is huge! Two large rooms and a very big bathroom with a jacuzzi. The baby cot is there too. They ask us “where baby?” We smile and try to explain “On Monday…”

    It’s Friday afternoon, and we haven’t slept a wink since we left Denmark about 30 hours ago. But we’re high on adrenalin and game for experiences. We save the unpacking for later and go down to exchange our money in reception and become Dong millionaires. We enquire about booking a trip to Ha Long Bay but the prices we’re given sound quite high. A friend at home had told me to go to Queen Café but when we ask the hotel they appear not to understand. But we decide to try for ourselves, look it up in a telephone directory and find the address of Queen Café there, and hail a cyclo outside the hotel. This is our first cyclo trip through the streets of Hanoi. Wow!!! That’s all we can say – we sit with our mouths open and keep exclaiming “wow! – look at that!” The traffic is incredible. Pedestrians, bicycles, mopeds, motorcycles… and everybody is beeping and shouting. You never look back – only look in the direction where you’re going! Amazing.

    We get to Queen Café which proves to be a small, very scruffy-looking internet-café cum restaurant cum travel agency. But no complaints about the service – the people are really friendly and helpful – and we book a two-day trip to Ha Long Bay over the weekend. The price for the bus trip, lunches, sailing trip, hotel in Ha Long Bay, and back again – plus an English-speaking guide, all costs 24 US dollars per person!! If my friend at home hadn’t told me about this beforehand we would not have believed it. The only drawback is that we’ll have to get up at 6 a.m. tomorrow….

    We go for a walk around the old streets of Hanoi and discover an incredibly colourful market with meat, fruit, eggs and everything else besides. We arrange with our cyclo driver that he will pick us up at 6.30 a.m. the next morning to be at Queen’s Café at 7.

Green Park Hotel

Hanoi traffic

Hanoi market

9-10 October 1999 - Trip to Ha Long Bay

We meet up at Queen Café with a bunch of other tourists (mostly backpackers) at 7 a.m. We go down to the lake and get on the bus. It’s an old banger of a vehicle, but it does have aircon – and westernized Vietnamese muzak… The trip to Ha Long City takes 4-5 hours. On the way we visit a centre for handicapped children where they produce Vietnamese clothes and handicraft. We’re wondering how much of a tourist trap this is – we’re even thinking thoughts of slavery and children working in harsh conditions, but they look both happy and well looked after. Seemingly, these children have no other place to go to school, and this is a good place for them. They all have the special dignity of the Vietnamese people – at least, that’s our impression. They are beautiful people. I buy a green silk suit there.

    During the bus ride we have ample opportunity to watch the Vietnamese scenery with people working in the rice fields. We arrive in Ha Long City and have lunch. Vietnamese food is good! Then we continue and arrive at a harbour where we board a small boat that takes us out among the famous rock formations in Ha Long Bay. This place is out of this world. And so big. It would be so easy to get lost here. The weather is fantastic. We visit a grotto on the way, and while we’re sailing, smaller boats come up along side us with various vendors who sell fruit, biscuits and other goods.

    We sail for about 5 hours. It’s dark when we reach Cat Ba Island where we get our hotel room, which for sure is not much, but it’s only for one night – and it was cheap! We have dinner outside at the harbour, again more lovely Vietnamese food.

    The next morning we get up early and meet the others for breakfast at the harbour. The view over the bay is fantastic. The harbour and surrounding area is filled with all sorts of boats: houseboats, fishing boats, boats that are gas stations etc. etc. The weather is still very hot – just perfect for a day at sea.

    Somewhere during our trip back the boat stops and we jump in for a swim. Gorgeous. Back at Ha Long City we take the bus back to Hanoi. It’s the 45-year liberation day – 45 years ago Hanoi was liberated from the French.

    Our cyclo driver is waiting for us when we get off the bus; we just about have enough time to rush back to get a quick shower at the hotel, before we are to meet up with the other two families in our group. Before we left Denmark we arranged to meet tonight at a particular restaurant that one of the families knew from an earlier visit. The others only arrived yesterday and have not had time for much sightseeing. We are all very excited about getting the children tomorrow, but we’re all tired so we head back for an early night.

    Back in our hotel we unpack our luggage and get stuff ready for tomorrow. We’re unsure what to bring – bottles, baby lift, diapers, water…. We wonder what little Molly looks like. So much has happened since we arrived that we’ve actually managed not to think about it too much until now.

See more Ha Long Bay photos in the Photo Gallery under Vietnam photos.

11 October 1999 - WE MEET MOLLY!!

We meet at the Army Hotel at 7 a.m. where Mike and Ina are staying. We have loads of stuff with us but manage to fit in a cyclo anyway. When we get there the others are ready, and we all jump into the mini bus who will take us to the Hoa Binh Social Protection Center, about 70 kms south-west of Hanoi. Mrs. Ha joins us on the way. Kurt and Anne-Grethe have also brought her parents along – we wonder how we’re all going to fit in the mini bus on the way home with the babies!

    We drive out of Hanoi, into the country. It is very flat. Suddenly after about 2 hours of driving, big lime stone cliffs appear out of nowhere. Everybody goes goes very quiet – we each sit enwrapped in our own thoughts. Suddenly the mini bus stops and turns to the right, down along a small dirt track and in through the gate of the Hoa Binh SPC. We're all feeling very nervous now. The car takes us right up to the door of the administration building and we are brought up the stairs and into a waiting room with a big oval-shaped table in the middle. There is a statue of Ho Chi Minh in one end of the room and a map of the Hoa Binh province. As we got out of the car, Kurt and Anne-Grethe’s children’s biological mother is standing there. They had hoped and expected to meet her but it's still something of a shock. We sit down at the table and wait anxiously together with Mike and Ina. I think they're just as nervous as we are! I walk around and take a few photos in the room – I have to do something!

    I think we wait for about 10 minutes (my sense of time has gone). Suddenly there’s a commotion outside, and a nanny comes in carrying a baby. “Lam” they say – that’s Alexander. Mike and Ina get up and go over and take him. Another nanny comes in with a baby. Then someone says “Hao” as the last nanny enters the room. I sit as if glued to my chair. I can't move. Frank says ”Hao, that’s ours?!” and gives me an elbow in my side. I jump up, and in a daze without really knowing what I’m doing walk over to the nanny who immediately places the baby in my arms. When I look down I see the prettiest little face – I am totally unprepared for what I’m seeing. She looks so beautiful! Huge black eyes looking up at me. She is wearing a little cap on her head. A nanny comes over and she and antoher nanny point at something under the cap, at the back of Molly’s head, trying to tell me something. I don’t understand what they’re doing – what are they on about? I don’t care about the back of her head, I only have eyes for her beautiful little face. I hurry over to Frank to show him “here she is, here is our Molly”. I can’t believe how gorgeous she looks. I had not had any picture in my head beforehand of how I thought she’d look – I’m completely taken by surprise.

    Molly is tiny – much smaller than we had imagined. She looks great.

    But she has something on her scalp that they feel we should pay attention to. I’m almost feeling irritation – there just can’t be anything wrong with this little miracle. Gradually we grasp that there is something with an infection because of the heat. Mrs. Ha is not here to translate – she has gone with Kurt and Anne-Grethe to visit the bio family. There is another woman who acts as interpreter but her English is hard to understand. Now we do see that the back of Molly’s head is quite deformed with a big abscess. What is it? They say she’s been to a doctor who has prescribed some medicine and they show us the bottle. There are instructions in French, it says to keep it refrigerated – what are they doing with it here then? It looks as if it hasn’t been used. They say it’s antibiotics. We are a worried but we’re in such a daze that it’s hard to focus. We agree that as soon as we get back from Hoa Binh we’ll take her to the international clinic in Hanoi. Once that’s settled, we concentrate on Molly and the orphanage. Molly seems very bright-eyed and alert.

    We stay in the waiting room for a while, together with Mike and Ina, who are just as wrapped up in their Alexander. He’s just 4 days younger than Molly. We put diapers on the babies, play with them, and just smile and stare at them…

Then it’s feeding time. We have brought a bottle, as instructed, and give it to the nannies – and then we’re to go to the Giving and Receiving ceremony. It’s a formal affair on the one hand, but a relaxed one on the other. It’s soon over, and we go back to the center.

    When we get back, our chauffeur suddenly wants to take us back to Hanoi. But we have been promised a tour of the center, and I get really upset. I don’t want to go yet. Frank tells the chauffeur in no uncertain terms that we are staying and if he wants to go, he can go and we'll make our own way back! He stays.

    Kurt and Anne-Grethe come back from their visit with the bio family. It has been an emotional experience. Finally, it’s time for the tour of the center. We see the children’s rooms. They are basic and the paint is peeling off the walls, but everywhere is very clean. We get to sit with Molly in what has been her room. There are only a few other babies around. Some of them have what looks like infections similar to Molly’s. We wish we could take them all – but we’re told all the babies we see are going to Denmark, Belgium or the US.

    It is now early in the afternoon, and we must get back to Hanoi. Molly falls asleep on the way. Back at the hotel, we call the international clinic and get an appointment for 5.30 p.m. We take a cyclo – Molly loves it! She’s clearly as fascinated as we are with all the hustle and bustle. When we get there, there is no clinic! We can’t find anyone who understands English or French, what are we going to do? Panic!! At last we find a small note on a door saying that the clinic has moved. We throw ourselves into a taxi, and fortunately it’s not very far. We're a little late for our appointment but they are very nice to us – our panic is probably obvious!

    The American doctor confirms that it’s probably just an infection due to the heat and bad hygiene. He arranges an appointment with a paediatrician to check it out in a few days’ time, just to be on the safe side. We’re to continue with the antibiotics. We’re relieved.

    Back to the hotel. It’s been a long day. Molly looks gorgeous. She sleeps a little. Frank goes down to buy some more water while I sit with Molly on the bed. We call Denmark and Ireland and give our families the good news. We order room service and wolf down the food. We haven’t had a bite to eat all day. Before we go to bed, I freak out – for no apparent reason. I’m roaring and crying! The excitement….. I take a long shower – it’s impossible to tell which is the shower water and which is my crying! Afterwards, I fall asleep on the bed, utterly exhausted. Molly sleeps in the baby lift, placed between us in the bed…. Many times that night we wake up and check on her. She needs a bottle about 4 in the morning and then sleeps again until around 7. We’re quite exhilarated – this is going well!

See photos of the Hoa Binh Social Welfare Center.

Anxiously waiting for Molly in the waiting room

First glimpse of Molly

First time in Heidi's arms

First time in Frank's arms, Mike with Alexander in the background

G&R ceremony

First night back at the hotel

See more "meeting Molly" photos in the Photo Gallery

under Vietnam photos.

See photos from the Hoa Binh orphanage.

12 October 1999 - 2nd Day with Molly

Molly slept last night from around 11 p.m., only interrupted by a bottle around 4 a.m. She wakes at around 7 a.m., so we’ve more or less had 7 hours’ sleep ourselves. Not too bad with a new baby. We’re still on a high so we don’t really feel tired.

    Frank and the other two new daddies go to the Immigration Office with passports and adoption papers. Then they go shopping and buy various baby stuff. Frank buys bottles, formula – and flowers for me! He’s gone for about two hours. I’m in our room with Molly who is awake and in good form. She sits with the bottle for about 45 minutes but drinks almost nothing. It’s just for comfort, I think. I walk around the room with her and we look out the window. She seems to love that. She lies on the bed playing with her new furry toy, an octopus. Her abscesses look smaller and better already. Later we give her a bath in the bathroom sink. She likes that. When we dry her afterwards the biggest abscess bursts. We wash it carefully with soapy water. Molly hates when we touch it, but the dry wound stuff falls off and it really looks much better.

    In the afternoon we go back to Queen Café in a cyclo and send some e-mails home. We buy some very cheap food there – it’s the first food we’ve had today! Molly is once again a big hit with the Vietnamese who all want to look and smile and touch. The abscess bursts again so we hurry back to the hotel and we have a quiet evening.

    We buy some Vietnamese clothes for Molly and check out some places where we may buy more souvenirs later. In the evening Molly falls asleep with me sleeping at her side.

Curious Vietnamese fascinated with Molly

13 October 1999 - 3rd Day with Molly

Today is the first day we manage to have breakfast at the hotel. The restaurant is on the top floor – and there’s a terrific view.

    We do some more shopping in Hanoi today, among other things we go to a tailor and are fitted for suits, both of us. It is very cheap. We buy some nice outfits for Molly too.

    The cyclo that we hail to get back stops before he reaches our hotel. He claims we’ve reached our destination. We refuse to pay him until he has taken us to the hotel and he gets very annoyed. A crowd of curious Vietnamese gather around us. We’re not really sure what the problem is… In the end we give the cyclo driver part of the money and hurry into a taxi and get to our hotel. This is our first – and only – encounter with a person who was anything less than friendly. Maybe we just misunderstood something.

    It’s very hot today. We’re a little worried if Molly can cope with the heat but she seems to be OK. Later on Frank takes a jacuzzi with bubbles and all with Molly. She just loves it! Plays with the bubbles – virtually eats them…. Then we give her a bottle and she falls asleep. Her abscesses get better and better.

    I learned today that “frog” is êch in Vietnamese and is pronounced “ayk” (I collect frogs, so that’s interesting information!)

14 October 1999 - Molly Upset for the First Time

A quiet breakfast in the hotel restaurant. More shopping. More curious Vietnamese people. We feel quite at home by this stage!

    A heavy rain shower takes us by surprise. It’s the first time it’s rained since we arrived. Afterwards the climate feels a little easier – not so heavy and humid.

    It’s my turn to take a jacuzzi with Molly today. She still loves it. Once again we order room service, thinking that Molly will sleep and let us relax for a while, but she wakes up and is cranky. That’s the first time we see that in her. Our dinner is ruined, but what does it matter… After a while she calms down and goes to sleep for a couple of hours – and so do I!

    We’ve spoken to Mike and Ina today. Alexander is causing them trouble. He won’t eat, won’t sleep and cries a lot. He seems to have reacted much more strongly than Molly on the new surroundings and new people. We want to meet up, but they just can’t make it at the moment. We hope that Alexander will calm down soon and let Mike and Ina out of the hotel… They have hardly gone anywhere because he cries so much.

Bath time

15 October 1999 - Fifth Day with Molly

Frank did all the night feeding last night so I got a good night’s sleep. We decide to take things easy today. We get some films developed and shop a little.

    We decide to go out anyway and visit the Hoan Kiem lake and the Ngoc Son temple.

    Mike and Ina went to the international clinic today and things seem to be a little bit better. At least, they were told that there is nothing seriously wrong with Alexander – he may have scabies and is probably just reacting to the change. We arrange to meet tomorrow at our place.

    We discover today that Molly likes a soother (pacifier).

A Vietnamese woman and her son at the Hoan Kiem lake

16 October 1999 - Molly in the Wars

Molly goes back to the international clinic today. A very nice Australian doctor examines her and finds that the last of the abscesses probably isn’t going to disappear by itself, despite the antibiotics. So he decides to lance it and get rid of it once and for all. He goes behind a curtain with Molly – we’re on the other side and can only listen miserably to poor Molly screaming the clinic down. She re-appears with a big white bandage around her head; she looks like a wounded soldier! The doctor is impressed by the vaccination papers that we got at the orphanage. He thinks that Molly may have scabies and we get some medicine for that. Just by thinking about it, we suddenly feel itchy too….

    Then we go back to the tailor. My suit is just perfect. Frank’s needs a little adjustment but it looks very nice.

    Mike and Ina finally make it to our place with Alexander. At first he’s calm enough but later on we see for ourselves how easily he gets upset. But it’s probably just a matter of time. Maybe the scabies is bothering him too.

Back from the wars

17 October 1999 - More Sightseeing in Hanoi

We visited Ho Chi Minh today, but unfortunately he was out… J He’s in Moscow for three months every year to check that his embalmment is OK…. We also visited the One Pillar Pagoda.

    Molly was troublesome today – more or less screamed the entire afternoon…. Wouldn’t eat, nor sleep. In the end, she did fall asleep and slept for 5 hours. Phew!

Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum

One Pillar Pagoda

18 October 1999 - More Shopping

Molly was in good form again today. She entertained herself by lying on her belly, trying to get up or crawl. Not very successfully… but she was really trying hard. We went to the Hang Gai (silk street) and bought more outfits for Molly and a very nice silk dress for me.

    In the afternoon, Molly was cranky again – not even the bubble bath was a success. She’s obviously not an “afternoon person”!

19 October 1999 - Molly's Passport and Visa Received

Frank went to the Immigration Office and the Danish embassy and got Molly’s passport and visa. We went back to the tailor – Frank’s suit was ready, very nice! It’s our last day and we feel a bit emotional about it. Still, we’re looking forward to going home.

    Mike called to wish us a good trip home (they’re going home on a different flight) and we arranged to meet up once we’re all home.

    Mrs. Ha also called – she wants to drop by tomorrow morning to say goodbye. We pack our cases. We’re ready to go home.

    Molly was an angel all day!

20 October 1999 - Going Home

Mrs. Ha joins us for breakfast and she wishes us good luck. She thinks Molly is very pretty (of course she is!) Now is our chance to ask her about Laura. Mrs. Ha tells us that she is still at the orphanage in Phan Thiet. She implies that Laura’s mother is mentally unstable, and we think to ourselves that perhaps staying at the orphanage is the best thing for Laura, in the circumstances. In any case, there is nothing we can do, but it’s very sad to think about.

    The trip home is fairly uneventful, apart from some turbulence and a bit of problems with noise during the flight, where we have to change places, which is a bit of a nuisance. But Molly holds up well – the Singapore Airlines stewardesses all want to hold her. She manages to sleep for quite a while on the flight from Singapore to Copenhagen.

Molly with stewardess on the Singapore Airlines flight home

21 October 1999 - Coming Home

We arrive in Copenhagen right on schedule. We’re tired, but happy. Molly is fine too and takes everything in her stride. As we come out to the baggage belts, our family spots us through the glass. They wave frantically – enough to catch our attention, anyway! So we hurry over and show them Molly through the glass. Much jumping, waving and laughing. My dad is already crying!

    We have to fill out an immigration form at the passport control, but other than that we go through without any hassle. Family and friends meet us in the arrivals hall. We invite everybody home but only our closest family accept. We come home, open presents, and talk about our trip, while Molly is being admired and held. It’s going well, up to a point – suddenly it gets to be too much for her. She is clearly very tired but about to panic with the whole commotion. So we ask the others to leave us alone, and Molly calms down.

    We need to register Molly as a citizen, book an appointment with our general practitioner, call our agency and our local county council.. but we decide to wait until tomorrow.

    It’s strange to have gone out two people and have come back three…. Our house feels different somehow! We’re grateful that everything has gone so well, and – believe it or not – we start talking about another adoption…. But that's a different story. You can read that one here!

Arriving home

Just arrived home: a tired but very happy family!