Adoption Diary - Sally

Page 2 - Travel Story - includes meeting Sally!

These entries are from our trip to China from 24 May to 9 June 2002.

For the impatient: Go straight to the day we met Sally!

Go back to page 1.

24 May 2002 - We're Off!

It’s today! Our flight is delayed an hour, but our spirits are to high to let that bother us. We’re together with two other families: Bo and Kirsten who will be getting Andrea, their first child. She’s a little younger than Sally. And Dorthe, Peder and their daughter Karishma, age 8, who is adopted from India. Karishma’s little sister will be Siqi who is about 22 months old. We’ve met prior to traveling so we already know each other a bit. It’s great for Molly to have some people to “torment” and play with.

    We’re lucky to have four seats together so there is room for Molly to lie down and sleep. But she only sleeps for about an hour when she wakes up in the middle of a nightmare…. She SCREAMS! And won’t stop! I feel sorry for the people around us, but what can we do? We finally manage to calm her down, but she hardly sleeps the rest of the way. I’m sure she is every bit as excited as we.

All is packed, ready to go to the airport!

25 May 2002 - Arrival in Beijing

We land in Beijing early in the morning. We are received at the airport by our local guide, Harry, who bids us welcome and takes us to the Jianguo Hotel. Harry tells us that we’ll get the children on Sunday - the following day - and not on Monday as we thought. Shortly after arriving at the hotel, we’re to go sightseeing with Harry. We go to the Imperial Palace/Forbidden City. Very impressive for sure, but we’re rather tired. Molly runs around like mad - I don’t know what keeps her going, pure adrenalin I expect! She’s hardly slept or eaten for the past 36 hours… She falls asleep in the bus back to the hotel in the afternoon.

    We are all to meet for dinner at 6.30 p.m., and at 8.30 we’ll meet Christina, our agency’s Chinese facilitator. How are we going to cope with sitting through an information meeting? We are absolutely exhausted by this stage!

    Our meeting with Christina went very well. She is really nice and very professional. Gave us a lot of good advice about receiving our children tomorrow, we got papers with our children’s names translated etc. Molly and Karishma fell asleep during the meeting. When we finally got back to the hotel, she woke up and would not sleep again. About 1 a.m. she finally gave up. And then I couldn’t sleep! At last, at around 2 a.m. I managed to fall asleep.

Harry welcomes us to Beijing

The Forbidden City

The Forbidden City

(photo by Peder Pedersen)

26 May 2002 - WE MEET SALLY!

We got up at 7.30 a.m. I am soooo tired. We all had a shower and had breakfast. Then we met Christina and Harry at 9 a.m. and went shopping for formula, bottles, nipples and some medicines that Christina recommended for constipation… We checked out of the hotel and were ready for more sightseeing with Harry at 11 a.m. We go to the Tiananmen Square where Molly once again runs around, creating a lot of attention from the Chinese. Despite their age difference, she and Karishma have a lot of fun together running around. Then we continue on to the airport and board a domestic flight to Changsha, the main city in the Hunan Province. Harry comes with us to Changsha. He is to stay with us the first couple of days in the province. After a flight of about 2 1/2 hours, we arrive in Changsha and is welcomed by Ms. Li, our local guide and interpreter. Her English is terrible, and she giggles all the time…. We know we’ll get the children in a few hours’ time; my hands are clammy.

    We arrive at the hotel around 8.30 p.m. I’m feeling panicky and tense; we’re told we have to get our room, change our clothes (we’re supposed to look respectable and I’m sure we do anything but!). When we get out of the mini van in front of the Dolton Hotel, a car pulls up behind and out come three Chinese people each carrying a small child. It’s them!!!!!! We all recognize our children immediately. They literally run inside, while I frantically try to catch them with my camera. I run after them into the lobby. I’m already crying - I manage to notice that Sally looks quite big, is dressed in yellow, has lots of hair - and looks great!

    Frank turns to Harry and says “to hell with the clothes, let’s get the children now!”. But we have to go by the rules… So we get our rooms, tear open our suitcases, can’t find anything, it’s all a mess, we’re sweating, Frank can’t find his tie. One of the presents we’ve brought is a tie (for the orphanage director). We’ve been told the men MUST wear a tie, so never mind about the present – Frank puts on the tie, which does NOT match the one shirt he’s brought for just this occasion… never mind! We put a dress on Molly - she stoically accepts all the panic, which is NOT like her at all. She must realize that now is not the time to throw a tantrum!

    And then we wait. Our room is on a higher floor than Bo/Kirsten’s and Dorthe/Peder’s, so we’re probably the last in line. Frank and Molly look through the peep-hole in the door about 50 times…. Molly keeps asking “When is Sally coming?” “Soon, Molly” I keep saying, exasperated. I place the video camera on the couch, pointing towards the door. Every time we hear the least bit of noise, I rush over and turn it on. Nothing. Several false alarms later, probably about 40 minutes, Harry phones to say they’re on their way. We wait another 10 minutes - it feels like at least half an hour - I want to use the rest room, but am afraid to go anywhere!

    And then finally, the door bell rings. Camera on. Molly and I open the door, and in come the director, the nanny (the director’s wife) carrying Sally, Ms. Li and Harry. Sally is not the least bit interested in Frank or me, but she looks at Molly with curiosity. They put Sally standing on the floor (she can walk!). Molly goes to her, bends down a bit and says “Hi Sally”. The two girls keep staring at each other. We leave them to it for a little while, it feels wrong to intrude. Then the nanny tries to coax Sally to go to me. “Mama, mama” she tries and pushes Sally in my direction. She is having none of it! Steers straight back and hides between the director’s legs. We decide to take things easy and not force ourselves on her.

    We then sit down on our couch and I ask a load of questions that I have prepared beforehand about Sally and her habits. The translation is not going very well, as Ms. Li is hopeless, but we’re surprised to learn that Sally has spent the past six months with the director and his wife (full-time or part-time, we’re not really sure). We are given some photographs of the director with Sally at the orphanage.

    After about three quarters of an hour, time’s up. They have to leave. We say goodbye and they’re gone. Sally goes ballistic. Bawls her eyes out. Frank takes her in his arms where she cries for about 10 minutes and then falls asleep. While he’s sitting with her, sleeping in his arms, he phones his parents in Ireland and tells them we’ve just become parents for the second time. I in turn call my parents. We then try to put Sally into the cot but she wakes up and is very unhappy. I’m sure she’s in shock along with being exhausted. It’s late Sunday night by now, and she’s probably been traveling for 4-5 hours to get here.

     We give her a bottle, lying on our double bed. She won’t let us hold it for her - she wants to hold it herself, lying on her back. Although she’s unhappy and frightened, she’s not “closed in”. She looks as if she’s already secretly trying to grasp what’s happened and shoots shy looks in our direction and around the room. She looks bright, alert and healthy.

     After getting the bottle, she looks like she’s going to start crying again, so Molly gives her an apple. She clings to the apple (the next morning she still has it!). Then we have a quiet time, all four of us, sitting/lying in our double bed, chatting and trying to comfort Sally. Molly is doing everything she can, performing all sorts of tricks to cheer her new little sister up. Molly is an absolute angel! We try to make sure we pay Molly plenty of attention but she might still have felt left out or pushed aside, but she’s really just very excited about getting Sally and seems to feel a “big-sisterly” responsibility already. After about an hour we all manage to go to sleep, Sally in her cot right next to our bed, and Molly in an extra bed next to ours. Bliss!

Tianenmen Square with Molly in the foreground

First glimpse of Sally in the hotel lobby

Sally meets Molly

Two girls become sisters

Unhappy Sally after the orphanage people have gone

Molly has given Sally an apple for comfort

The first night, asleep in the cot

27 May 2003 - 2nd Day with Sally

As soon as Sally wakes up, Molly climbs into Sally’s cot. “Do you want to play?” she asks. We ask Molly to go easy because Sally is probably still a little sad. Molly then promptly gets her favourite teddy bear and her soothers (pacifiers) and gives them all to Sally. Sally is still clinging to her apple.

    We go down and have breakfast and meet up again with the other two families in our group. Needless to say, they’ve also had an interesting night! Bo and Kirsten’s Andrea looks very small – she doesn’t look as if she could be about 3 weeks younger than Sally, even if you consider orphanage conditions etc. She looks bright and attentive but more like a 10 or maybe 12-month-old. Karishma looks proud as pie about being a big sister. Siqi is very quiet. She sits with Dorthe and eats her breakfast quietly. She seems to be in shock about what has happened to her.

    The whole restaurant is full of adoptive families with their new babies. It’s pandemonium! But good fun.

    Back up in the room a Chinese doctor comes to examine Sally. Sally has a bit of a cough but is otherwise fine. She measures about  75 cm (xx inches). We’re guessing a weight of at least 11 kgs (24,5 lbs) – she seems to heavier than Molly! Sally is not impressed with the doctor - screams the place down during the examination… But as soon as the doctor has gone, Sally is up and examining our room and everything in it. She can walk but walks a bit unsteadily, as if she hasn’t been walking for all that long. But she seems very robust and soon we see her smile mischievously and hear her hearty laugh for the first time. She is not too sure about me but has really taken to Frank. She gets upset if she can’t see him, even for a few seconds.

    Then we all have to go the Civil Affairs office in Changsha. We dress both girls nicely in frilly dresses. The clothes we’ve brought for Sally seem to fit her fine. She’s a good bit shorter than Molly, her legs are much shorter, but she’s heavier built and fills out the clothes fine. The Civil Affairs business takes about two hours. Chaotic, with lots and lots of adoptive families and children all over the place. Somehow we get through it.

Back to the hotel again, and we go shopping with Ms. Li and Harry.

    Sally is getting more and more attached to Frank. Won’t let him go for a minute. It’s clear that she has her own mind about things! She has a sense of humour too.

    Frank takes a bath with both girls this afternoon. Sally hesitates a bit at first but then she watches Molly’s carrying-on and laughing and soon joins in the fun.

    Siqi is still very quiet. She seems to observe everything but won’t make any sound and doesn’t walk. We wonder if she can’t walk or simply won’t.

    Bo and Kirsten don’t join us for dinner tonight. They are very sick, both of them. Might be the food - but we reckon it’s nerves! After all, it’s the first time for them.

The next morning Sally still clings to her apple

(photo by Peder Pedersen)

Doctor's examination in our room

Sally's adoption gets official at the Civil Affairs office

(photo by Peder Pedersen)

The "Adoption Certificate" we got at the Civil Affairs office in Changsha. The family photo was taken there too.

28 May 2002 - Sightseeing in Changsha

Today we visited the Hunan Embroidery Center and bought a few souvenirs. Frank carries Sally in the Baby Bjorn the whole time, despite her weight. She obviously feels secure there, even manages to sleep. We have tried to put her in a stroller, but she goes berserk. So we decide to let her feel the comfort of the Baby Bjorn. And I think that Frank enjoys it too… 

    We all reckon that Andrea can’t be the age she’s supposed to be (16 months). She has a bit of a cough (like Sally) but otherwise seems bright and alert. Siqi is still very quiet but seems to show a bit more emotion in her face. She looks like a child who needs LOTS of attention, love and stimulation.

We manage to get both girls to take a nap this afternoon – they sleep for two hours.

    Sally has a tremendous appetite. I don’t know how much of a variety she’s used to, but she wants to try everything. She loves noodles and happily sits and stuffs huge quantities into her mouth in the high chair in the hotel restaurant (and manages to spill as much on the floor…). Whenever Frank gets up to get more food, she screams. Even if she can still see him. He has to be within an arm’s length for her to feel comfortable. She doesn’t care about me. It’s getting a little frustrating. I realize how good it is for her to have bonded with one of so quickly, but I can’t get close to her, can’t quite get to be a mother for her. She still feels like a stranger, whereas Frank is already much more at ease with her. I guess I’m a little jealous, but I try to hide it.

    We had snake in chili today. It tasted like…. well, like chili.

In the minibus on the way to the Hunan Embroidery Centre

(photo by Peder Pedersen)

An example of the embroidery work

(photo by Peder Pedersen)

29 May 2002 - More Changsha Sightseeing

We visited Ye Leu Academy today. Saw rain for the first time since we arrived in China. Back at the hotel I’m alone with Sally for the first time while Frank goes shopping for some water, biscuits, and fruit. She accepts it but refuses to sit too close to me.

    Harry goes back to Beijing today, so we’re stuck with Ms. Li. Frank has enquired about the possibility of visiting a school and even teaching an English class. Ms. Li has arranged something for tomorrow – a class of 13-14 year olds. We don’t trust her – we’ll see it before we believe it!

    Christina calls us every night. Frank is the contact person for our group. All the three children are doing well.

Last night I met a woman who is due to get her daughter today – the girl is from the same orphanage as Sally. I wonder what her little one is like.

Ye Leu Academy

(photo by Peder Pedersen)

Ye Leu Academy

30 May 2002 - Mother Has a Meltdown

A real crisis for me this morning! We’re all lying in our double bed, having a nice “family time”. But then I happen to get too close to Frank – too close for comfort for Sally. She gets jealous and throws a tantrum and actually hits me. I accept that with good cheer, but then Molly gets mad at me because I obviously did something that upset Sally, and then Molly hits me too. Two girls “hating” me at the same time…. It’s too much. My stress level must be on an all-time low – I lose it completely and start crying. And I’m supposed to be the adult in this club…

Molly is very tired today. She didn’t fall asleep last night until midnight. I guess we’re all a bit on the low side.

    We go for a walk today with Ms. Li and see some “real” Chinese quarters. Everywhere we go, the Chinese come up to us – they are VERY curious and interested in us. We have a piece of paper explaining the adoption of Sally (and Molly) in Chinese; today we show it to people countless times.

    Frank goes out in the evening for the English class and I’m once more alone with the two girls. When Frank leaves us in the lobby and we take the elevator up to our room, Sally cries but only for about 10 seconds. The two girls play wild games in the room. It’s a pantomime to watch them! I take a bath with the girls – quite a challenge but we manage. Plenty of splashing and shouting! Sally is beginning to approach me cautiously. She’ll sit with me for about 30 seconds but at least it’s a start! I put her to bed around 9 p.m. with a bottle. She protests for a short while but then accepts it and falls asleep. Molly and I wait up for Frank. She falls asleep on the couch and I carry her into her bed. Two girls asleep within the space of half an hour – not bad going!! I feel quite successful. J

    Frank comes back around 10 p.m. His class of 13-14 olds in a school turned out to be a group of adults in a private business school…. he’s feels cheated, but still -  it was an experience.

Curious Chinese gathering around us in the street

(photo by Peder Pedersen)

Frank teaching an adults' English class

(photos by Peder Pedersen)

31 May 2002 - Sally in the Swimming Pool

No special plans today. We go shopping and buy lots of children’s shoes. They’re very cheap. We tried to put the girls down for an afternoon nap but it didn’t work. The two girls were playing peek-a-boo, giggling away, for ages. It’s great to see them enjoy each other’s company. We all went to the hotel swimming pool. Molly is a renowned fish, but we were wondering what Sally would make of it. She did fine. Again, she watched Molly and wanted to do the same as her. Sally was not impressed when Frank “dunked” her under the water, head and all (she howled!), but apart from that she enjoyed it.

    Ms. Li came by with Sally’s Chinese passport and adoption certificate (see here).

Sally's first time in the swimming pool (as far as we know!)

1 June 2002 - Back to Beijing

Today we went back to Beijing. I wonder if Sally will ever go back to Hunan? We had an OK flight with the two girls. Beijing is very hot – even hotter than Changsha. Harry comes by and we go with him to the Silk Market. We don’t buy anything yet – we are going to be here for another week or so, so we have plenty of time.

    Then we met Christina again who was very anxious to see our children. She was very impressed with Sally – she DOES look very big and healthy. We gave Christina Sally’s passport and vaccination papers for translation.

    In the evening when we have our dinner at the hotel, Sally falls asleep in her high chair with a lamb chop in her hand! We manage to get both girls to bed without too much bother.

Leaving Changsha for Beijing

Frank and the girls with Harry at the Silk Market

Sally made it into a habit of falling asleep amidst her dinner!

2 June 2002 - The Great Wall

Sightseeing today – The Great Wall. It is very hot. But we insist that we want to climb all the way up to the top. Harry claims he has never had another adoption group where a family made it all the way with their new children. Molly is a real trouper. She walks up those incredibly high steps - walks a good bit of the way by herself. At times I have to carry her. Frank has Sally in the Baby Bjorn all the way - and occasionally Molly on his shoulders at the same time! Many Chinese people cheer him on. We meet a group of Frenchmen who are drinking champagne and we get a share too.

    Back again in the afternoon we all take a bath, we’re really scruffy from all the dust and dirt from the great climb. When we met the orphanage director again at the Civil Affairs office, he gave us the disposable camera that I had sent out beforehand. I get it developed and get a whole film of absolutely priceless pictures of Sally and the orphanage, inside as well as outside (see them here).

The two girls have played well together today. I’m also making a little more progress with Sally, although she is still unsure about me. She once again falls asleep during her evening meal!

    Siqi smiled today!

Frank carrying both girls on the way up!

Family of 4 on top of The Great Wall

Heidi and Molly on the way down

3 June 2002 - Shopping and Eating in Beijing

Went to the Silk Market today and bought lots of stuff. In the evening Christina come to deliver Sally’s visa and translated vaccination papers. Bo, Kirsten and Andrea are going home tomorrow so we’re having a farewell dinner with Christina and the whole group. We eat Peking Duck in a local restaurant - great food, very cheap.

The Silk Market

(photos by Peder Pedersen)

Eating Peking Duck

(photo by Peder Pedersen)

4 June 2002 - Beijing Zoo

We say goodbye to Bo, Kirsten and Andrea in the morning. Then we go to the Beijing Zoo with Dorthe, Peder, Karishma and Siqi. We’re not actually too impressed with the Zoo (we find the conditions for many of the animals fairly dismal), but we do get to see the pandas munching away on their bamboo. Gorgeous animals they are for sure. Back to the hotel, and Molly and I take a rest. In the evening we go back to the restaurant from last night. Peder hadn’t joined us last night because he wasn’t feeling well and we all think that he should try it too. We get a very warm welcome back in the restaurant. They have tanks with frogs and fish (alive) and they let Molly touch and hold the big fat frog and one of the goldfish! She’s delighted with herself.

    I call a Chinese colleague (we have a local office in Beijing) and arrange that we’ll come by for a visit tomorrow. I’ve met her during meetings in Europe and in the US but have never met her here in China, not to mention seen the Beijing premises.

A last group picture

Panda at the Beijing Zoo

(photo by Peder Pedersen)

5 June 2002 - We're the Last Family Left in Our Group

Today we say goodbye to Dorthe and Peder. It’s really strange now to be on our own. We miss the group but it’s also nice not to have to arrange any particular meeting times etc. We can do everything now at our own pace. We go to the Silk Market once again and do some more shopping.

    In the afternoon we visit my company’s Chinese premises. We’ve picked a good day - one of the employees celebrates her 50th birthday so we get to experience a little office party with birthday cake, sweets, crisps, soft drinks etc. Spirits are high!

Tonight we eat McDonalds take-away in our room, while Frank watches the world cup (soccer) on TV. I get to send another e-mail home.

6 June 2002 - Pearl Market

Frank is not feeling well this morning but he manages to get up anyway and we go to the Pearl Market (Hong Qiao). Christina comes with us - she helps us with the bargaining and helps us get the “Chinese” price of the various items we’re interested in. When she has to go, we stay on and now we’re really well prepared for some more bargaining and we buy loads of stuff. It’s good fun, actually.

    The Pearl Market is a big indoor shopping market. At some point, Molly needs to go to the rest room but we can’t find one. We try to ask some of the Chinese traders but they don’t understand any English. Eventually Frank “mimes” what we want by doing a sort of quick squatting gesture with accompanying sound (!) which makes the Chinese break down laughing. But they get the message and direct us to the rest room, but when I drag Molly in there she refuses point blank. To be fair, the stench is incredible, so I don’t blame her! We try to persuade her to put on a diaper, but she prefers to hold on and she manages to wait until we get back to the hotel!

    In the afternoon Frank is feeling a little better, Sally takes a nap, and Molly and I mess about in the room. We opt for a take-away again (pizza hut) - we’re just so tired of eating in restaurants with the girls at this stage; it’s a relief to just relax in the room.

    Sally likes pizza too. She’s a garbage can!!!

7 June 2002 - Yet Another Day Being a Family of 4

Frank is still not well and goes to see the hotel doctor who prescribes some Chinese medicine (the same stuff that Peder got when he was sick). He battles it out through the day, but suffers a bit. We go to the Silk Market once again (reckon it’s the last time now!).

    We go the swimming pool again today, Sally is really beginning to enjoy it. She even wants to jump in like Molly does.

    Room-service and McDonalds take-away tonight….

8 June 2002 - Temple of Heaven, Tomorrow We're Going Home!

We visit the Temple of Heaven Today. A very nice place. The weather is a little cooler, really pleasant for wandering around. We’ve bought a suitcase - mine is breaking apart and we need more room anyway for all the stuff we’ve bought.

    We pack the cases - tomorrow we’re going home. We’re not sorry to be going home now; it was nice having the extra days to ourselves, but we’re ready to go now.

The Temple of Heaven (Frank and Sally at the front left)

Sisters at the Temple of Heaven

9 June 2002 - Coming Home

Harry drives us to the airport. It’s lashing rain (reminds us of the day we left Vietnam with Molly when it was also raining heavily after two weeks of warm and sunny weather). At the airport we meet another group of Danish adoptive families – they’re seven of them from the other Danish agency. Their children are generally younger than they were in our group.

    The girls sleep on and off during the flight, but they don’t get very much sleep. Of course, we’re not so lucky that they sleep at the same time…. so by the time we reach Copenhagen we’re exhausted. But it’s great to be home and we are met in the arrivals’ hall by a big crowd of family, friends and colleagues with big flags and banners saying “Welcome home Molly and Sally”, they’ve brought champagne and all. It’s just great.

    The girls are very tired and it gets a big overwhelming for them. Suddenly Sally needs to have ME close by too. Our family has decorated our house with balloons and other party gear, they’ve arranged food and drink etc. so we invite everybody out, but everybody declines, thinking that we need a bit of peace and quiet. They’re probably right, so in the end only our closest family joins us. We sit and chat and look at the girls who suddenly perk up although they’ve hardly slept for the past 24 hours. Sally clearly enjoys discovering her new home; she particularly seems to like the garden and the sand box. When everybody has gone, we all go to bed and manage to sleep about 7 hours. Not bad, although we could have done with twice that!

Going home

The welcome committee in Copenhagen Airport

Heidi with Molly, Frank with Sally. Glad to be home.

10 June 2002 - First Day Home

Our first morning home. The weather is good, and we enjoy being back, lazing about over breakfast, playing in the garden. Sally continues to check out her new surroundings and loves playing in the sand box.

>>>>  Here the diary ends - and our new life as a family of four begins! Check out the Photo Album and see how we’re doing!